Happy Anniversary, My Love.

Dear Ethan,I'm having the hardest time coming up with something to write. I'm at a loss for words. How do I even begin to pen what these past four years have meant to me? Instead of trying to think back and rewind, I'll say what I know now:God blessed me over-abundantly with a man like you. You are incredibly loving, thoughtful, and considerate. Your love for me is definitely un-conditional. You work hard to provide for our family. You take on extra burdens just so I don't have to carry them. You are protective of our family. Your actions display a genuine desire for our best interest. You are patient, forgiving, and understanding. You comfort me in my times of need. Though you have a tough, rugged exterior, you are incredibly caring and (I'm sure I'll get crap for this word >>) sensitive. You are constantly sacrificing for us. You always seem to know exactly what to say and when to say it. You make me laugh constantly. You're a great listener. You're extremely talented...and manly lol. Oh, and one more...you're hot. ;)You are my better half. You've taught me so much. Your constant outpouring of love is a mirror that reveals how much more I can give. I'm blessed to see a side of you that no one else gets to see...to share moments with you that no one else gets to share...to receive hugs and kisses that no other woman will ever receive --and I mean EVER haha.Most importantly, you are such a man of God. I prayed and prayed for someone that would lead me the way a God-fearing man should. Every quality I've mentioned about you above stems from a heart deeply-rooted in Christ. It is so evident that you love the Lord and seek to serve him in every facet of your life, and because of that Kaiden and I have the opportunity to be incredibly blessed by it. You have always led me by example. I love waking up every morning and seeing your Bible open on the table. I think it's cute that you listen to sermons in the showers lol. I love seeing you stand up for what your convictions. I love your constant encouragement. I love how I've seen God work in your life over these past few years.We've been through so much over these past few years...one big move. A house bought. A house sold. A child born. A child on the way. Blessings galore. Trials. And more trials. Who knows where we are going next but through your absence I'm realizing I don't care where we go or stay, as long as I'm with you.I so look forward to our future. I pray that we have decades and decades of anniversaries to celebrate. I pray that our children would see a marriage they want to model theirs after. I pray that the foundation of our marriage forever stays rooted in God...because I know that is the only way a union with two flawed, sinful people will ever stick together and stay in love.Ethan Jago, I love you with my whole heart and am so thankful to God for these four years of marriage. I never would have imagined when I said, "I do," where God would take us but I knew it was going to be an incredible journey. I have truly learned what it means to walk by faith but I'm especially glad that I've gotten to learn it while holding your hand. You may be miles away but that's not stopping me from celebrating. Happy 4th Anniversary, my love.

Love is a Choice.

Ethan and I rarely get into arguments. It's something I'm extremely grateful for. For the most part, we have very open communication lines and it's something we've worked on prior to marriage because we know so many divorces stem from bad communication and bitterness harvesting from that. Well, Ethan came home yesterday and was in a snappy mood. (I can say this here because he admitted it to me later lol.) Little did he know, I was just overwhelmed with a whirl-wind of emotions. It was an equation for disaster. We didn't blow up at each other or anything, but we found ourselves knit-picking over words and arguing over little things throughout the night. Like the dishes, for instance. I had a girl's night to attend shortly after and we both knew that by the time I got home he would most likely be in bed. We had just ended our conversation on, "I don't want this argument to get out of hand so let's just stop right here before we say anything stupid." I spent the remainder of my time before I had to leave cleaning the upstairs. (I'm so good at cleaning when I'm upset!) I knew I would have to come downstairs at some point and the prideful part of me just wanted to stay stuck in my self-righteousness but the Bible warns us against going to bed angry and there is so much truth behind that. If we didn't clear the air before I left, I knew I would spend the rest of the evening developing bitter feelings and resentment. He asked if I was mad and I said no. I swallowed my pride and consciously decided to get over it. I asked if he was mad and he said no. He admitted to being snappy. I admitted to being overly-emotional. We kissed, told each other we loved each other and said good night.I got back home and he was almost asleep. I said good night again and went to bed.In the middle of the night, I woke up panicked. My side was aching so badly. It felt like someone had kicked me in the back over and over again. Something didn't feel right and I honestly thought that Baby was harmed. I tried to sit up but couldn't. Anxiety came over me and I tried to inch my way off the bed. Out of a dead sleep, Ethan woke up and asked what was wrong. I tried my best to explain but he told me not to move. He said it sounded like I was having a muscle spasm (which I was.) Immediately, he started rubbing my back and calming me down, reassuring me that everything was going to be ok. I finally got to a point of comfort and as I tried to cover myself back up with a blanket, he reached over, told me not to move and did it for me. These details may seem insignificant, but they meant the world to me. I think all spouses struggle with pride in their marriage. Though, we had resolved things earlier, I still had to consciously raise my white flag (as did he) for the preservation of our marriage. I know deep in my heart that there were still minor feelings of resentment in me --and that is just the fleshly part of me learning to work with the Holy-spirit driven side of me that is still learning humility. But last night, I witnessed my husband display an act of love that was motivated by complete selflessness. He didn't even give himself a chance to think, "Well she said some choice words to me so why should I help her out?" He just did what love does. Love sets all feelings aside and gives. Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It does not dishonor others. It is not self seeking or easily angered. It keeps no records of wrong doings. . . This is why a marriage can't "lose the love." Love is a choice not a feeling. Ethan and I are by no means "marriage experts" but I do know he loves me unconditionally and I love him just the same. And we can attribute that to the ultimate act of love gifted to us by Jesus Christ who showed us love by being obedient to the cross while we were yet sinners.