Rewind to October

In the weeks leading up to Ethan's trip overseas, I began to feel anxious. I've never been the anxious type, but there were so many emotions and thoughts flooding my mind. Will this distance put a wedge in our marriage? In the past, it was easy for me to grow bitter over his absence. I didn't want that to happen. Will we be the same people at the end of all of this? I wondered if war would change him and if independence would change me. What complicated things will I have to face on my own? He does so much for us and I knew I would have to step into those areas. The unknown had my head spinning.We both just wanted him to go ahead and leave so we could get the goodbye out of the way, enter into the new season of life, and start the countdown to his arrival.Cora was only two months old when he left, and this would be my first time parenting three kids plus running a business.  As many servicemember spouses can attest, it's difficult to play the role of mom and dad. And later I would learn that it's not just the added duties (like handling car situations or being the disciplinarian) that add to one's responsibility, but there is so much involved in caring for your child's emotions in the process. Kaiden wrestled with his dad's absence, and that was something I didn't expect.But God is so good. Between my time in the Word and the sheer amount of responsibility I had weighing on my shoulders, I became more independent and anchored in who I am as a child of God. And with that my prayer life transformed completely. (This book aided in that a lot.) God also used the time alone to reveal a lot of junk in my heart. And oh,  there was a lot of it. The refining process was painful at times, but every weakness of mine revealed a greater need for Him. Each month into my husband's deployment taught me a new lesson and revealed realities of God's character that I hadn't encountered before.Between the three kids, two Deeply Rooted issue releases, a retreat launch, and Christmas sales, things could've easily spun out of control. Through His Word, through the help of my family and our local church body (and strangers I didn't even know), through the prayers of so many people across the country, He equipped me with everything I needed to face each day with peace and patience and to be strong for my kids. Now I look at that season with fondness. Did I miss Ethan? Most definitely. There were lonely moments - my birthday and Christmas, most especially. There were random water works from time to time, but God met me in those places. It helped to think about the fact that He could hear my prayers while watching down on Ethan just the same as He watches down on me. It helped me to have to teach and model the very things I was learning to my kids.My dad likes to joke and say that absence can either make the heart grow fonder or wander. Marriage requires so much intention, and even more so when you're separated geographically. But there were no wedges. There was no bitterness. And while we both realized we grew to be different people within that time frame, it was for the better. We both grew in our identity in Christ and in turn we grew closer in our marriage in spite of the distance. We are just so incredibly happy that Ethan is home. Thank you all for your prayers. <3Here is a glimpse of our life since October:Shortly after he left we began packing his first care package. The kids had fun coloring the insides of the box and writing him notes.Cora started on solid foods. It would take her a while until she realized she liked it.I spent a lot of nights and naptimes planning for our retreat. This is a shot from one of the cabins our attendees will sleep in.We experienced our first Pennsylvania Fall and boy, was it beautiful.We celebrated Kaiden's 5th birthday. We also celebrated mine a few weeks later.I had the opportunity to be photographed and featured for Char Co's Masters of Their Craft series. I also participated in my first podcast over at the Gospel Driven Entrepreneur. We spent Thanksgiving at Ethan's uncles house. The kids had a blast and it felt nice to be around family.We published two issues while he was away. Thanksgiving and Christmas sales kept me so busy with packaging, marketing, and e-mails. My mom took Cora for a few weeks during our busiest season and it was such a blessing. A few friends came over to help me wrap magazines and once we were out of that busy season I could finally breathe.We spent Christmas in Wisconsin! Cora is with my lola (grandma). Lola lived with us for three months in PA and she was such a blessing to us.Ethan was gone a lot before but this was the first time I had to parent three kids on my own. I had to work through a lot of different  things...including permanent marker messes, ha.We survived the "snowpocalypse." The kids had a blast but shoveling wore me out. Thankfully, a few neighbors and members from church came and helped me out.We celebrated Lola's birthday. She loves rice krispy treats so we made that instead of cake.And there were just a lot of mundane things to do. I strongly dislike folding clothes.Once the snow melted and the sun popped out we were out of the house and outside.And then he came home! This is just one of the many beautiful homecoming pictures my friend Marisa Albrecht took. I was so grateful for her images and am excited to publish them in the next issue! (Skye is a little hidden here but you can see her leg popping out, haha.)We spent Easter weekend at his parent's house and this was a shot his dad grabbed when it was our turn to hunt for our gift. :)We vacationed in the Poconos with some friends. This was definitely a favorite moment.You may have read on my Instagram, we are in contract to buy a farmhouse! More on that later!!!!!! (PS. There is original wood under this carpet!)We also bought a van that we are going to turn into a surf fan/camp van. Don't judge. It was $350 and everyone's doing it. Okay, maybe not everyone.Our Spring issue just released. This is my quick version of the studio set up. Thanks to Coca Cola and Skye for the assistance.And we celebrated Mother's Day by going to church, Olive Garden, and Hershey Park!All that to say, apologies for the absence lately. There have been so many times I wanted to sit and blog but I had to be very intentional with my time for the sake of my walk with God, family, and business. I'm hoping to be blog a little more frequently again, but you know how these things go. :)