Hey Dianne, how's it going?

Today, I was asked, "How's it going?" I blurted out my canned response and quickly realized that things actually aren't "good"...they are rather difficult. I'm currently listening to an overtired toddler scream his head off because he doesn't want to take a nap. He went to bed at 11 pm last night and woke up at 6:30 this morning...he normally goes to bed at 7:30 pm and wakes up at 8 am, so I know he is tired. He fell asleep on the ride home today for about 20 minutes and then when it was time to transfer him to his pack n' play, he woke up. He has been running around, hyper as can be, but keeps tripping on things because he is sleepy. I finally decided to just stick him in his room and make him take a nap...we'll see how this goes.About a week ago, I was really at my breaking point with Kaiden. I love the little guy to pieces but he has been deliberately acting out. I know he doesn't like the change. I know he doesn't like seeing our house packed up. I know he doesn't like getting passed from babysitter to babysitter (so I can pack). I know he doesn't like getting off schedule. I know he misses his real bed. I also know he misses his dad. We've been without Ethan for six weeks and it's been so hard on us both. I don't have family nearby to help out so I'm so grateful my mom flew in for a few days. We already had her ticket purchased (before this whole mess) because she was going to fly back to Wisconsin with Kaiden and I, so it ended up working out perfectly. Almost the entire time she was here, we spent our time boxing things up and moving them into storage. We almost didn't buy that ticket a few months ago...I can only imagine how much harder this past week would've been without her. In addition to her help, several of Ethan's co-workers and church friends helped me move our whole house into a 10x20 unit. It was incredible to see the provision of helping hands. Just yesterday, we finished putting everything in storage and now all I have left to do is cancel our services and clean the house before the new owners move in. We are in the final stretch of this move and I will be thankful for the moment I hand over the key and sign the papers...it is only then that I can devote myself back to Kaiden and hopefully Ethan will be home.This past Friday morning, Ethan was told he should hear something by the end of the day. He was assured his case was put on "rush" orders and something would be done. He got a phone call but it was the same person saying that the department he needed to reach had left for the day (at 2 pm!) He was told to once again wait until Monday. We have been told this day after day for FOUR straight weeks now.  Prior to that, there was the Germany change and prior to that there were several more weeks of waiting on news about his job. Since August of 2011 we had no idea where we were moving to and in January of 2011 we were waiting to hear if he would even be allowed to train into the job. These past few years have been nothing but waiting and more waiting.I know God has been preparing us for something big. And in a huge way, I firmly believe Ethan's injury is a blessing in disguise. I would never want to wish pain upon him but while I was prepared for him to take on this crazy, new job, I'm relieved that I won't have to say goodbye for constant deployment. Kaiden needs his daddy and I need my husband.I will say this: Throughout this entire process, I have been pretty level headed. There definitely have been days where I broke down and sobbed but while I feel stressed, I still feel as though I can handle it all. Ask Ethan, that is not like me. I am an incredibly emotional person who can't handle much on my plate. Packing up a house by yourself (last minute) and moving it into storage -- with a toddler whose demanding needs don't change despite our change and not having family nearby -- is outright hard. I was talking with my brother on the phone and we were discussing people's canned responses, "The Lord will take care of you." "Everything will work out." Yes and yes, but while I know all of that to be true and do appreciate the encouragement, it doesn't change the fact that it's still hard. It still requires faith and faith is not true faith unless it' put into action through difficult periods. I am tired. My muscles are sore. I've sweat a whole lot. I'm both physically and mentally exhausted. But I have seen the Lord provide. I have seen Him give me patience with my son. I have witnessed the extra grace He has given to me on a daily basis.All this to say, I'm not writing this to complain or to gain sympathy. I just don't think my response of "Oh, I'm doing alright," fully encompasses all that is going on in our lives.Ah, and now there is silence. After lots of screaming, he is finally asleep. And now I can sleep too.

Greater Work Being Done

I kind of touched on this in my last post but I think I will share more details about what has been going on. My husband has been injured from the intense training he was doing for his job-change. He may be in need of surgery and so these past few weeks have been us trying to figure out: 1) what is wrong with him and 2) when is he coming home? It's been day after day of "wait until tomorrow." I don't know what made me feel like today would be different but once again, they told us to wait. I was so hopeful. When I heard the words filter through the phone, I felt my heart sink a little. Maybe it's the fact that we haven't seen each other for five weeks or maybe it's the stress of me moving without him...either way, I'm just so glad my mom is here. She came at a perfect time. Kaiden has been extra needy and I really felt myself getting frustrated with him this weekend. (Even my mom -- who has 5 kids -- can't believe how much energy he has, which is proof that he needs constant attention.) Packing doesn't allow me to give him 100%, which makes it difficult for us both. Ethan told me, today, to plan like he's not coming home for a few weeks. Expect to do the move without him, basically. He asked the higher-up's when he can expect to come home and they told him they honestly don't know. They suggested he take leave (vacation) and buy a plane ticket to come out here and then fly back when he's done. It's all so silly, really. I don't think most people truly understand what's going on because I don't even think anyone over there knows what is going on.Tonight, I stood in my garage and just looked at everything. How will this all fit in storage? Where are we even going to live after all of this?  Even if it does fit, will it fit wherever we permanently move next? What if they don't let him leave and he really has to stay there and recover? I know I'm not the first person to go through all of this but that doesn't change the fact that this is a difficult stage in life for me. I am reminded, however, that focusing on my current circumstances takes my eyes off of the greater work that God is doing. I don't need to understand it, I just need to keep trusting and depending on Him. I can take comfort in His promises.On a side note, I've decided to move all of our belongings into storage this Wednesday and Thursday at 7 pm. I am trying to get as much help as possible so that the workload is spread out vs. one or two having to do everything for several hours. Wednesday is going to be dedicated to hauling our big items over and Thursday is going to be more of Ethan's work-gear and boxes.  The storage unit is .7 miles away from our house (2-3 minute drive) so that shouldn't be too crazy. Please message me and let me know if you could spare even just half an hour...anything helps!