Our ultimate goal as Christian parents is to rejoice in seeing our children walking in the truth. This pursuit isn’t accidental; it’s intentional, rooted in a commitment to train them in the way they should go so that, by God's grace, they won’t depart from it as they grow (Proverbs 22:6). Biblical discipleship is not simply a commanded "to do" but a lifestyle—a way of life that aligns our family’s routines and priorities around God’s Word.

Last night, my husband spoke to the women at our church about the importance of discipleship beginning at home. This isn’t something we can solely delegate to the church or expect others to handle for us. Scripture makes it clear that parents are primarily responsible for instructing and modeling godliness to their children. However, there’s also a danger when families focus so much on home discipleship that they end up neglecting the corporate gathering of the church. We are called to both.

Gathering for the Glory of God

God will never ask us to obey one command at the expense of another. When He instructs us to grow in our knowledge and love for Him and to train our children in the way they should go, He doesn’t mean for us to do so apart from the local church. Hebrews 10:25 says, “not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the day drawing near.” The gathering of believers—at a local church focused on the sound teaching and preaching of God’s Word—is integral to this mission.

As parents, one of the most impactful ways we can disciple our children is by faithfully participating in the life of our church. Some might say, “Well, the church isn’t the building,” and they’re right—the church is made up of the body of Christ, His people. But Scripture provides numerous reasons for gathering together as believers. At our local church, we…

• submit to the leadership of pastors and elders (Heb. 13:17),

• hear the preaching and teaching of God’s Word,

• sing spiritual hymns and songs,

• unite in sound doctrine (1 Cor. 1:13),

• serve one another in love (Gal. 5:13),

• fellowship (Acts 2:42),

• partake in communion (1 Cor. 11:23-26),
  …and so much more!

These are essential, communal acts of worship that we are called to experience together, not as isolated individuals or families. When we miss being with the church, we forget that we are each an “individual part” created to assist in “the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love” (Eph. 4:16).

The problem is that our culture, filled with consumer-driven ideologies, often views church attendance through a lens of convenience. Church becomes a checkbox on a Sunday morning, and if it doesn’t serve our personal or family needs, we opt out. But consider this: pastors and elders have a unique, divinely appointed role. They are entrusted with the souls of the congregation, called to serve and shepherd with wisdom and authority. As church members, we are called to submit to their leadership as they teach and guide us according to Scripture. They don’t just prepare for Sunday services; they pray for the growth of each person in the church and find ministry opportunities to cultivate this growth. This commitment goes far beyond one weekly service—it includes small groups, Bible studies, ministry gatherings, and resources they create for our benefit. When we neglect the gathering, we isolate ourselves from these opportunities for growth and the discipleship God has entrusted them to foster in the congregation. Are we discounting or dismissing that? This is another reason why we must take church membership so seriously.

Love Displayed Through Action

As a pastor's wife, some might assume my dedication to the church is out of obligation. But my commitment to church attendance and service is deeply personal, rooted long before I was involved in full-time ministry. Growing up, my parents exemplified the importance of consistently attending church. They brought me to services every Sunday, even when I protested. After I married Ethan, who was often deployed, I had every reason to step back from church. I remember him being deployed two months after our third child was born. It was winter, and some snowy Sundays made getting all three kids out feel nearly impossible. Yet, I went. Not because I’m a "super Christian" but because I was a struggling believer in desperate need of the encouragement, fellowship, and teaching that the local church provides.

We can claim to love Jesus and say that we love our church, but our actions reveal our beliefs more than our words ever could. This is not about legalism or becoming holier through sheer attendance. (And this isn’t about shaming those with genuine medical conditions that keep them homebound.) To be clear, showing up doesn’t make anyone a “better” Christian. A person can attend every event and still be separated from God if their salvation is based on works rather than the true Gospel. But Scripture is clear: if we love Jesus, we will keep His commandments (John 14:15). God has given us the local church as one of the main avenues for our spiritual growth and sanctification, both for us and for our children. Sanctification happens not only through personal devotions but also through gathering with other believers in obedience.

Getting Practical

To truly integrate one’s family life with church life, I challenge you to prayerfully consider prioritizing the church calendar alongside your family calendar. Doing life together with other believers under the guidance of our pastors and elders is a gift that requires intention. At some churches, the calendar is so packed with age-segregated events that attending every activity is unsustainable. But at 5 Bridges Church, each event is thoughtfully planned to enhance discipleship. The elders and staff seek quality over quantity. For example, the women’s ministry meets only once per month to create meaningful times of connection and Titus 2 mentorship.

This approach also requires intentional planning for our personal schedules. When I know church events might require more from me, I make room in my schedule to avoid being overwhelmed. As a 51% introvert, I know my limits, so if there’s an extra event one week, I minimize other plans to be fully present. Rather than letting church events be the first to go and having my kids suffer from over-planning on lesser things (like play dates, entertainment, athletics, etc.), I show up and make a note not to overcommit in the future.

This distinction is what separates church “attenders” from church “members.” An attender takes; a member gives. An attender shows up when it’s convenient; a member shows up as faithfully as possible. An attender may leave when things get challenging; a member remembers their commitment. An attender avoids accountability; a member welcomes it, knowing it is for their spiritual good.

So, I leave you with a question: Do your actions align with your confession? What are you modeling to your children about church attendance? Do they see your commitment or your inconsistency? Are you willing to obey God and recognize the blessings of being part of His people? Do you trust your church leaders and what they have planned for the families they’ve been called to steward and shepherd? This isn’t about legalism; it’s about prioritizing what God desires us to prioritize: His glory, His Word, His people, through His means. Let us remember that our commitment to the local church is more than an obligation—it’s a means to glorify God, strengthen our faith, and cultivate a spirit of unity, love, and accountability that deeply blesses our family and leaves a legacy of devotion for generations to come.