God in the Dishes, God in the Details
After making it through another Monday morning laundry list of after school to do's, I was excited to finally be home. But when I walked inside, I didn't expect to see so many messes scattered around. Didn't I just spend this morning cleaning this room? I glanced at our kitchen chairs -- the ones that I spent extra time wiping down this morning -- only to find sticky prints on them. And then there was our sink full of cups, plates, and other items. I had already dedicated a good chunk of my morning to hand washing the dishes that our dishwasher didn't fully clean. Now there was a new pile from lunch which would be followed by whatever would come dinner time. And then the usual afternoon squabble between Kaiden and Skye occurred. Time to go break things up, again. All the while Cora was walking around pulling things off shelves and out of cabinets.So much of being a mom is repetition and in those moments I just felt overwhelmed. So what does an overwhelmed mama do? She goes into the bathroom, locks the door, and cries a little. In my dramatic state, I felt a little like the Preacher in the book of Ecclesiastes:
Meaningless, meaningless. All of this is meaningless. I wash dishes only to make more meals and have more dishes to wash again. I wipe down tables and countertops and floors, only to repeat it all meal after meal -- and that's just the kitchen!
(I know the issue at hand is trivial -- and one that every mom faces, but I struggle with shifting from the complexities of a ministry and then turning to children whose needs at this stage are much simpler -- like searching for lost shoes and trying to get non-washable markers off of objects.)So then my emotions kicked it up a notch. I began to ask God questions like: "God, where are you in these things? How do these mundane details fit into your plan? How are you possibly using me in this?" I have the head knowledge and can respond to those questions with great textbook answers (in fact, I just posted about the importance of motherhood here)
but in choosing to give into my feelings, I chose to let go of my theology.
Thanks to the conviction of the Holy Spirit, I soon recognized that I allowed my emotions to be my gauge rather than my guide. Feelings should be an indicator of my heart but something not to be trusted. My thoughts and reactions revealed my heart issues (like idolizing a clean house, amongst others). I also sensed the Holy Spirit reminding me that I'm feeling this way because I continue to do things in my own strength. Earlier I asked where was God in these details? He was there alright, I just wasn't allowing Him to be a part of it.And so I decided to get up and go fill my mind with something that would take my thoughts off myself and redirect me to truth. I turned on a song by the Getty's (awesome, modern day hymn writers with doctrinally sound and theologically rich lyrics) called Still, My Soul Be Still. The lyrics read:
Still my soul be still
And do not fear
Though winds of change may rage tomorrow
God is at your side
No longer dread
The fires of unexpected sorrow (I didn't plan or expect to be sad over something stupid but I was.)
God You are my God
And I will trust in You and not be shaken (Wow. I want faith that isn't ever shaken.)
Lord of peace renew
A steadfast spirit within meTo rest in You alone
Still my soul be still
Do not be moved
By lesser lights and fleeting shadows
Hold onto His ways
With shield of faith
Against temptations flaming arrows (It sure is tempting to wallow in self pity.)
Still my soul be still
Do not forsake
The Truth you learned in the beginning (How could I so quickly desert the things I know to be true about God?)
Wait upon the Lord
And hope will rise
As stars appear when day is dimming
I love the line that mentions "fires of unexpected sorrow". While there are so many more worse situations that I could be dealing with, the sorrow I felt over the state of my home was unexpected, indeed. And so I prayed along with this song asking God for peace, steadfastness, and faith that cannot be shaken - even by my own emotions. I don't want to forsake the truths I learned in the beginning or to allow the temptation to wallow in self pity to win.Mothering is a beautifully arduous task but it's purpose is all about the long haul. It is a role that requires faithfulness, self-denial, and vision to see why we put the effort to train up our children (Prov. 22:6). I may not see the full ripening of fruit for several years but if I'm going to make it through the daily grind,
I have to be spirit led all the time.
I love the way a Bible study friend talked about her need for Jesus the other day: breath to breath. I need him day by day, moment by moment, and breath to breath. This coincides perfectly with a message our pastor just preached on the importance with walking with Jesus throughout our day and how we shouldn't go for extended periods on soaking in His presence. By the power of the Holy Spirit working in conjunction with the truth we read in the Bible, He injects purpose into all things. And our purpose is to know Him personally, live in obedience to honor Him, and share the hope of the Gospel to all. But he not only gives us the purpose but He gives us the strength to endure. And so, the reality is that I need God in the dishes. I need him in the quarrels and squabbles. I need Him in the nose wiping and the sticky foot prints and the trails of messes. I even need him in the cleanliness. Whether mundane or complex, I need him in all the details. May His glory shine through it all.